circles

right. where shall I begin. I’m currently watching the crown and whilst writing this am talking to myself in a british accent. There was a journalist writing a report which reminded me to probably jot down a few words again here. Yes, after over 3 years I still forget this exists. Oh gosh she’s starting to ramble. Brace yourselves. On the topic on what else is new: people are worried about me again as I’m continously losing weight. Yes I watch how much I’m eating, yes the language I keep speaking in my head is “calorian” and no the bitch called super ego is still not dead. But I am trying! Didn’t have the ususal porridge this morning but rather chose bread and egg. Had a humongous slice of goat cheese on my bread for lunch and now just had yog, a banana (!), granola and a biskuit as 2nd (!) snack. Season 2 episode 4 is the best thing to happen ever.

Woke up in a good mood as I slept for hours on end. Dreamt something about eating pizza. But I slept super well. Woke up, did some yoga and took a cold shower! Then my mom told me to go to the doctors as she’s (again) worried about me. I am too wondering why I don’t seem to be gaining any weight and am rather getting skinnier by the hour even tho I am eating (and not just low calorific food).

Calorific legit means “wärmeerzeugend”. @me: if you don’t eat enough calories you will always be cold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After yelling at the fam and trying to change the subject (unsuccesfully I might add) I finally gave in and went to the doctors. Had to wait for 2 hours just to have her tell me that I’m too skinny. The sphygmomanometer almost couldn’t read my blood pressure cause my arm was too skinny. Well then they took a blood sample and will report back. Gotta go again on wednesday for an ultrasound to see if my organs are not doing what they’re in there for.

I am shivery, cold, weak and moody. -> more iron -> bad digestion (what to do??)

Afterwards I went home, had lunch and went on a walk. To my own surprise, I wasn’t cold. So I extended the route, walked passed my old primary school which is now surrounded by a gate.

Then I made tea, had an apple and am now there where it began. With the banana (half).

Dinner. the whole shitshow starts again (if it ever stopped). People trying to make me eat more after me saying several times that I don’t want any of it. People: my mother. it: brussel sprouts (they make me fart okay???). Can’t wait to be back in leipzig. And now I’m getting passive again and hide away in my room. I’m really annoyed. I can hear them laughing downstairs. It’s 7:22. I ate all the leftover stuffing from yesterday, potatoes and broccoli. Don’t know what she wants from me.

I know I have to eat but once you start forcing it or tell me what to do I’m not gonna. night

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