i am sweating

why am I even wasting precious space to upload a picture of my breakfast. The only thing that changes is the shape of the advent calendar chocolate that I stick in the middle. Oh but I’ve discovered something that improves it: Instead of just sticking it in (lol), give it a little stir all the way to the bottom. That way you create the perfect last bite of chocolate-y cakey goodness. Also the oat bran gets more solid and gets cake- like after a while. It’s like having desert for breakfast PLUS you the combination of oats and citrus improves your iron intake.

Even tho I only went to bed at half 2 I annoyingly woke up at 7. Really disappointed in my sleeping pattern after it was so good to me the last 2 nights! At around 9 I got up and did some yoga (I know! Haven’t done that since the yoga challenge in summer!) Well I stretch after runs but that’s different and I never really go running anymore (yesterday was an exception). Then I took a shower and had breakfast at 10 (blogpost I write on the actual day are so different from the once a few days back. look at me ramble). I still have all the seitan from yesterday inside of me (It’s been 23 hours since we ate!) so portions were rather small today. I hate this feeling, it messes with my beloved routine. Hate not being hungry cause that makes me think about food (strange, I know) it’s like i’m constantly waiting for hunger queues to set in. At 11 I had a seminar which I half listened to. It was about audio description in theaters (for blind peeps). I even contributed to the topic and we had to imagine a scene just by someone describing it which was kinda hard cause I kept drifting off!

Then I went on a walk around the neighborhood listening to podcasts. I don’t understand what restrictions there are now like why are reataunrants open for take away but cafes are shut and am I supposed to wear a mask out on the street as well or just inside shops?? Some people were wearing one others didn’t and florists were open? I’m confusion. I was also sweating which is not okay for the 17th of December. As much as I hate being cold I’d prefer a minus infront of that temperatur. Mainly for the polar bears! But no I was warm!

I took change of perspective.

When I got home I made a salad with vegan mayo and an avo toast, needless to say that it was delish. Then I had another seminar. We got an email from uni that today on there weren’t going to be any more seminars due to covid aka early (2 days) christmas holidays. I found myself in 2 too many seminars for that to be a thing! I left the seminar early as the teacher let us decide between doing a peer review on our essays (that I obvs didn’t write) and leaving.

I can feel my stomach trying to digest yesterday’s dinner and let me tell you, these sounds do not sound healthy. I should stay away from gluten for a bit I think. Have been sitting since 3, it’s now 7 (on the dot btw) watching youtube, well skipping between amazon prime (friends), netflix (the crown), youtube (brittany bathgate) and the great british menu christmas edition. Also been eidting these huneys.

Just called the father. Gonna get picked up on Sunday 11am.

8:30 ish. We’ve downgraded one step further down the aesthetic scale. We’re eating tomato sauce and defrosted veggies from the pot with a plastic spoon.

Also new fave word: palpable

Was in bed by 10, fell asleep watching the crown. Its 10 am the next day now. Gonna get up.

note from my phone (17.12.2020)

Ich gewöhne mich sehr schnell an die Anwesenheit von Leuten
Und an Routinen
Richte mich dann viel nach den Personen, mache großen Aufwand um denen eine Freude zu machen
Ich liebe Geschenke machen, erwarte auch nichts im Gegenzug aber (… ich weiß nicht genau was ich erwarte, nichts materielles aber irgendwie schon was)
Passe mein Leben krass an das andere an und vergesse dabei ein bisschen wer ich bin, wie es ist alleine zu wein, was ich selber mag.
Liebe Routine. Hasse es zu wenn ich morgens keinen Hunger habe weil ich abends so viel gesnackt habe. Ich will porridge essen!
Ich denke meine Essstörung ist besser geworden denn ich snacke wie ein Weltmeister aber rechne trotzdem jeden Tag die ungefähren Kalorien. Diese wg tut mir sehr sehr gut darin aus diesem Zwang rauszukommen. Coco hat mir einfach einen Löffel pesto auf meinen mit ziegenfrischkäse und feigen gefüllten nudelteller gelegt und gesagt, für dich! Aiserdem hab ich ihm von allem erzählt, dass Milchreis kaufen eine challenge war und er ihn jetzt essen kann, er meinte ja dann iss ihn jetzt als challenge. Hab ich nicht weil er abgelaufen ist ä, habe zu lange prokrastiniert weil ich lieber andere Sachen snacken wollte und der Milchreis nicht in die Kalorien gepasst hätte… Wir essen zusammen manchego und er bringt mich raus aus meinem komischen Zwang! Habe neulich um 21 Uhr vom späti brötchen geholt und ein Croissant geschenkt bekommen! Habe die Hälfte als Nachtisch mit pb&j gegessen! Auserdem snacke ich Plätzchen und schoki! Manchmal liege ich noch nachts wach weil ich vor Hunger nicht wieder einschlafen kann aber ich denke over all bin ich besser! Vor allem was guilt angeht. Ich zwinge mich nach einer pizza nicht am nächsten Tag laufen zu gehen. Habe letzte Woche 3x take away gemacht und war 0x joggen. Ich gehe jeden Tag spazieren und höre dabei einen podcast. Auserdem trinke ich Alkohol! Vino, Cocktails, ein Bier zum Abendessen und beim Fußball gucken!

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