your lazy routine

Hello, it’s the morning. You don’t know this yet but this will be the lazy routine. The we’re neither leaving the house, nor doing any sort of exercise. It’s the routine the government has asked us to do. It’s the from wearing pyjamas to wearing sweatpants routine. Today we’re sitting, we’re eating and we’re isolating my sweeties. This involves little to no movement, depending on whether you live in your fridge or not. I’m guessing for most of us that means a little movement. So get ready.

1. The first two steps equal the ones from your sporty routine. But don’t panic!! Because I quote: “1. Wake up with greasy hair (…)

2. Lay in bed cause you have all the time in the world. (…) Just scroll some random app (…). After a good while you get up (…)”

3. (I was down to point 7 it got deleted and now i have to come up with this all over again. So much to “lazy” routine”). So you got up. Congratulations. Let’s say you made it before noon. Now you’re standing in front of a big pile of clothes but the choice is easy. You’re not even looking at the workout stuff or the jeans and go straight to the sweatpants. The baggier the better. That’s the motto. Same goes for the hoodie. You don’t know it yet but you will be moving little to not at all depending on bladder strength, hunger, boredom, distance to fridge and other factors.
From now on it’s important to draw close attention to how much you’re moving because you want to keep it to a minimum. You want to stay between the three main points. Sofa, kitchen, toilet.

4. The next step in your lazy routine is breakfast. To let you off stressing about what to make I have 3 oh so simple breakfast ideas for you that you can chose from.
• Microwaved oats (oats+ water+ fruit all chucked into a bowl and microwaved for 2 minutes) also a cup if coffee
• Granola bowl (yogurt+ granola+ fruit all chucked into a bowl) also a cup of coffee
• Pbj (slice of bread covered in thiccc layers of peanut butter and jam) also a cup of coffee
Kudos to you if you are able to survive even the laziest of days without coffee.

5. Now you’re making your way to the sofa (no we don’t have breakfast on the sofa, we have some dignity left (I will allow you to eat over the sink, but that’s purely for water saving purposes). On your way to the sofa it’s essential that you pick up all your necessities you might need. That includes charger for all electronic devices your taking, tv remotes not further than an arm length away, enough pillows to fit every possible scenario (Example1: you can rest your phone on your stomach comfortably and can see the tv screen; Example 2: you can watch Netflix on your laptop that’s resting on your thighs and not get a stiff neck from watching at a weird angle…), now this part is crucial to keep the movements to a low: the right amount of water and snacks, you don’t wanna have to get up and go to the bathroom, but you don’t want to starve/ be parched either!

6. Time has passed. You’ve successfully watched the second season of suite life half way through (How’s Esteban?) and now it’s time for lunch. Now I know it’s a lazy day but lazy days include a lot of free time that we have to kill. So we’ve got two options. We either make this lunch aesthetically pleasing (we all know dinner is gonna be pasta that will take us 10 minutes tops) because that way time passes and we dont kill every single one of our brain cells by replacing our essential knowledge with Disney+ information. Or you just think screw it and make a cheese toastie.
Let’s go with the aesthetically pleasing lunch. You need: bread, egg, some stacking and balancing skills, avo, bloobs, natural yogurt, sprouts, salt, pepper, lemon, feta, pomegranate.
Cut, mash, boil, peel, assemble, balance, sprinkle. Done.

7. Bathroom time. (No details please).

8. Back to the sofa. Now for some change you bring a book. It will probably end up just laying there, untouched, while you start watching a Pixar movie, but it’s the thought that counts. For this part of the day I recommend a thermos with tea. Keeps your beverage nice and warm (you know the concept).

9. Once you see the sun setting (or realize that your screen is now lighting up the room) you make dinner. Boil water, put a generous amount of pasta in there, we need a good old carb coma to end the day the correct way. Drain it, add tomato sauce, reheat and eat.

10. It’s late. You fall asleep on the sofa and that marks the end of your lazy routine.

(Please go to bed and brush your teeth! Tomorrow’s “normalish routine self will thank you)

Ps: Don’t forget to wash your hands on every possible occasion.

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