your sporty routine

Mornin’ y’all and welcome to your routine.

  1. Wake up with greasy hair because we’re only washing it once a week training it to stay fresh longer. Now is the perfect time to train your hair cause no one sees it (stay the fuck home), no one smells it (6ft distance!) and most importantly no one touches it!
  2. Lay in bed cause you have all the time in the world. I started having another large meal right before bed which puts me into a right old food coma and I sleep for like 10 hours straight (waking up feeling a bit sick but you can’t have it all). You’re not gonna wanna check the news, we don’t need that sort of energy within the first hours of the day. Just scroll some random app because let’s be realistic here, we’re not journaling, we’re not going to do yoga and we’re not about to get up the second we wake up. For me this is pinterest. No news, no problems, no virus. Just me, a ton of delicious looking vegan- paleo friendly- gluten free- less than 3 ingredients pancakes that are never gonna look like they do in the picture, a very adorable baby goat and a beautifully decorated room. The closest we’re getting to the virus on there is how to diy face masks. You just gotta find your safe space and for now mine is pinterest.
  3. After a good while you get up and get ready-ish. This step can go one of two ways. You either decide on wearing workout clothes or sweatpants. The sweatpants edition is coming in a few days. Today I put on my workout stuff which includes 4 top layers one of which I’m wearing one now the other 3 are added later, nike pants, head band. Next you stand in front of your mirror rubbing your eyes regretting every decision you’ve made so far, which is one. Getting up.
  4. Breakfast. Not too heavy you don’t like throwing up. Oh you’re going to go on a run by the way. That’s why you’re wearing gym clothes. Make a coffee and prepare a snack that will fuel you without making you feel heavy. Grapefruit, yogurt and cinnamon it is.
  5. It’s about 12 now and you’ve procrastinated going outside because the skies are grey and it’s supposed to start snowing. But you made the effort to squeeze into workout pants so now you’re committed. Brush your teeth, grab your headphones, put on your running shoes and off you go!
  6. It’s noon in the middle of the week and the path along the woods, leading to the next city where you usually don’t see a soul is now jam packed with joggers, bikers, old couples on a walk, soccer moms practicing social distancing by walking their dogs together (6ft apart) and families “taking a break from home- office-ing” and on a walk to tire out the kids that seem to get more energy by the minute (you can see the excitement for a (or multiple) scotch on the rocks in the Dad’s eyes and can tell that the Mom’s counting down the minutes until bed time so she can have a bottle of read wine while watching love is blind).
  7. You pass all of them but you’re in the zone. Not thinking about any of them, not thinking about Italy, toilet paper, masks, the summer, the news, paleo pancakes. Youre just thinking about how you’ll manage to get up the hill in front of you without losing your pace. You make it to the top because the song “in time” by cazzette is playing and you run to the beat.
  8. After an hour and 10 kilometers later, you’re sweaty, full of energy (ready to annoy your own parents) and happy. You’re back home, take a shower (not washing your hair) and go for a second breakfast/ lunch. Oh! You go for srunch. A sandwich. Now you get to watch the news (if from now on your plan is to sit around uselessly, not contributing to society. If you have chores to do or errands to run (like go to the bank/ post office/ supermarket/ pharmacy) do those first, we don’t need extra panic while out and about.
  9. Now, store away the toilet paper and pasta, and sit down. Make a tea and watch the news. Try not to touch your face in disbelieve. Once you’ve soaked up all the horrendous numbers, extended isolation days and higher numbers of debts and deaths in every country you wanna get them creative juices flowinnn’ (mainly for distraction). Draw a picture with watercolours, coloured pencils, felt tips… the list goes on. You can bake, you can dance… Just do something to take your mind off everything and for me that’s drawing a picture. Most times it turns out shit but at least I felt productive for like an hour. When there are no juices left you switch to Disney+ and continue to binge watch Good luck charly.
  10. Dinner time. You make a can/ frozen vegetable/ pasta based meal before watching the news just to see if restrictions are updated and to know if going outside the next day will put you in jail.
  11. At this point you’re gonna wanna do some social interacting. Now I live with the family for now so I’ve had quite a bit of that already so I get to go to my room, text some friends or skype with them if I feel like it. If you’re not that lucky and you’re by yourself call your grandma, text your friend you haven’t talked to in a week, join a freaking house party, you can even annoy me in the comments here. But you gotta interact a lil before continuing the Hannah Montana binge. You know. Do it for the best of both worlds. Don’t forget to snack throughout the evening until you eventually fall into a food coma. Good night and good luck Charly.

Ps. Between every one of these step you’re going to wanna wash your hands. Thanks.

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