OTP: me and the ear patch

PSA: don’t bother reading all this, this is for me and is the result of boredom.

I went to the hospital on the 5th which I think was Tuesday. After big chaos cause I was 2 hours late and didn’t have my papers they did eventually let me stay. It took bloody ages and we took the elevator (at least) 32 times from one doctor to the next. When I finally got my room 6 hours later I was the 4th person in a 3 person room, cramped against the wall without outlet or light. So that was nice.

I sat in the hallway most of the day (watching Real lose against Ajax!!!). Lil tmi you may ignore I’m on my period so they made me wear a diaper :). The next day I was woken up by the brightest lights anyone would have ever seen and a nurse running around like a headless chicken. I kid you not it was like looking straight into the sun. So needless to say I was up after that. I put on my fancy dress and socks and hairnet thing. Not to forget underpants made out of nothing. Then the headless chicken ran back into the room telling me to take a pill, lay down and just like that I was pushed down many hallways while still half asleep.

I remember being pushed into a room with other patients. It was like kettle waiting to be slaughtered honestly. Anyway nice comparison @me. Then I was rolled onto another bed and pushed into the next (single) room. There was a nurse and a student whom she explained every single step to. From finding the perfect vein in my hand to poke a gigantonourmus needle in to telling him to talk random shit to me to test my well deadness. The last question I remember was what I study. My answer: german, abroad, second language. And then the room started spinning.

(Breakfast was just served brb)

Had breakfast and a lovely chat with the grandma I share a room with. She was a teacher and likes to travel.

Anyway I woke up to a little boy trying to rip out the needles in his arm and a nurse yelling at him. I think I was in the so called waking up room for 2 hours and then finally got an actual bed with outlet. I now live with 2 lovely grandmas that have some weird sleeping habits. F.e. sleeping with the blinds open and the light on. My dad was in the room when I woke up and the first hour(s) I kept falling asleep. I remember waking up crying cause I was in pain so I got the little drippy droppedy thing booked up to my hand and went back to sleep. When I woke up again a was better and even talked to my dad. We took a selfie and he arranged a fruit basket next to my bed. My only request was NO CHOCOLATE. So now I’m snacking on grapes, tomatoes, bananas, apples… I love it. The food we get served here isn’t even that bad. But I only had lunch once which was the day before I got surgery. From then I only had bread and cheese. Exited for lunch now.

Last year’s recommendation for when bored at the hospital was podcasts and Pinterest. For this year I would like to add tinder (lol but hear me out on that one), dazn and the 10,000 calorie challenge on YouTube. So let me explain tinder. It’s just nice o see what kind of people are in the hospital with you I don’t even talk to any of them I just like to judge them by looks while I look the worst possible and go swipe swipe you know. Dazn is for obvious reasons: the champions league. I’m not sure what’s happening this year but real and psg are both out. I guess I’m supporting Man United now. Go Lingard baby. (And Rash). And last but not least the 10,000 calorie challenge. Becaise food is being served at specific times here and there is no other way to get any (accept for now fruit) you gotta try to keep your hunger at bay and what easier way to do that than to watch people eat the greasiest foods until they feel sick. I’m not hungry after that and I don’t think I’ll ever eat a donut again. I’ve come to realise that I prefer fresh foods over like sticky chocolaty stuff. Also savoury stuff is so yum. Call me weird but I’d prefer some good olives and cheese over any donut. Whoops.

We heard again from the Belgian guy yesterday. It was one message telling us to pay him for the hotel. Good talk my friend, good talk.

Now it’s Thursday morning 9am. I just had breakfast after a pretty good night sleep. I took some pain killers yesterday evening but until now there’s just the average pain anyone would have after having their ear chopped off and put back on. I really hope they put it in the place where it’s level with the right one. I don’t wanna wear my sunglasses crooked anymore. But I can’t tell cause I have a big ass bandage around my head, and greasy hair sticking out the top. Ready for my dates @tinder.

Gonna insert a couple of pictures and upload this when I’m outta here!!

A lady just came in and I got to choose my food for today and tomorrow. I’m taking it as a good sign that she only asked me about tomorrow’s breakfast not lunch. For lunch today I’m getting eggs, potatoes and spinach. Really hoping for some sort of patata thingy wait I made a post on those. Wait.

Tortilla de patatas. We’ll see probably in like an hour cause it’s already 11.

It was no tortilla de patatas but I obviously ate the whole thing.

So it’s 5 now, just woke up from a nap after scrolling asos. Nothing I really like which is upsetting cause I wanna buy stuff and look cool but it’s probably good for my bank account.

I also just freshend up. No shower are you crazy? They only have one for the entire hallway. Also I would probably die. But I put on a bra. Wireless. But I think the second a patient puts on a bra they’re ready to go home.

Also the grandma who likes travelling and used to be a teacher also is a fan of football and calls women “uschi”.

Oh let’s bring back the update on the ear shall we.

Update on the ear 07/03:

  • PAIN: I’m on painkillers so 3/10 rn
  • LOOK: Not sure it’s wrapped in 17 layers of different bandages
  • HAIR GREASE: Mm pretty bad. The ends are dry af the roots look wet
  • HEARING: don’t know there’s lots of shit going on in there. But the doctor did the *cough* Stimmgabel test and I heard the gong. Apparently it’s called tuning fork do whatever you want with that information.

I love the little cover they put over the food. It’s always a surprise opening it. Can you tell that the hospital is not the most exciting place on earth?

5:26, just got brought dinner to bed.

It was bread.

Then I got so bored that I started walking up and down the hallway, listening to music and get this: texting the Belgian guy.

So yeah that was interesting and kept me entertained (and only slightly annoyed) for a while.

The grandmas I share a room with like to keep the curtains open and lights on throughout the night while snoring (oooh so loud). She asked me this morning if she snored, but I would never tell her she does. I’m not a moron?!

Anyway it’s 7:37am 8th of March. I just got the needle ripped out of my hand, temperature checked and my fruit basket got some nice recognition (I don’t really speak English so what I mean is that the nurse thinks it’s good I got fruit instead of sweets). I also read the headlines of the newspaper to my roomies and am now waiting for breakfast.

I think the itinerary for today is breakfast, getting my ear patch and then I can hopefully go home. Mis Padres have been bugging me about that since yesterday but how should I know if no one’s telling me. I also can not forget my jacket in the other room.

Did I just open this draft to check at what time I got lunch the past days? Yes, yes I did. I’m hungry. Also, I get to go home tomorrow.

11:06am.

I was just called to wait in the hallway for my doctor’s appointment. I now have a patch.

12:30 Food was actually really good. I didn’t know I liked spinach that much? And they brought sweets with it. Nom nom.

16:50 I scrolled through asos, Instagram and watched YouTube and just woke up from my nap.

Up for half an hour exactly and dinner has been brought to my bed. This lifestyle is not good for me and my stomach rolls lol.

Saturday, 3:57am. I have slept for approximately 3 hours and keep waking up to the unbelievably loud snoring of the grandma. Honestly never heard anything like that. And it’s the whole night through, she never stops. I’m on the verge of having a mental breakdown. There are tears in my eyes. How can a tiny person snore like that. Wtf. Very close to punching a wall. Also just to put this into perspective, I’m deaf on one ear, lying on my other and it’s still so fucking loud.

7:38. The nurse came in an hour ago, woke me up again after finally falling asleep for like an hour. But they just told me I get to go home today. At 10. Not even exited for breakfast really cause there have been so many carbs the past days, my body can’t handle all the bread but I’m hungry you know? Fuck. First world problems I’m gonna be shutting up now.

1:34. I’m home, been to the grocery store, am now tired and hungry and no one’s bringing me food to my bed.

Update on the ear 09/03:

  • PAIN: Not on painkillers but it doesn’t really hurt atm
  • LOOK: absolutely horrendous. They messed up my earlobe. It’s creased.
  • HAIR GREASE: looks wet, feels wet.
  • HEARING: don’t know there’s lots of shit going on in there. But the doctor did the *cough* Stimmgabel test and I heard the gong. Apparently it’s called tuning fork do whatever you want with that information.
  • additional information:
  • ANNOYED/ TIRED/ MOODY: 9.5/10
Greasy hair and ear patch: expecting a call from Paris fashion week any second now

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