The usual boredom of a friday happened from 10:30 to 12:30 which is when I went home to get lunch. And then this happened:
I go home put my leftover Lo Mein in the microwave, wait for the beep beep beep, take the bowl and go to my room. 5 minutes into the friends episode I hear the doorbell ring, so I go downstairs and open the door. Because we have constructions going on in front of our house there are men coming in to turn the gas on and off every couple of days. So I let the man from the gas company inside and we go downstairs to the little cupboard so he can turn the gas back on, you know, so we can cook on the weekend?! When he goes to try if the gas is working, the fire alarm goes off bc all stoves were turned on, and that’s what happens. Turns out I wasn’t the only one in the house they were all just too lazy to open the door so now the entire house is standing in the hallways in their PJs (get a life?), asking if something’s on fire. After I tell them everything’s alright, they return to their rooms locking the doors shut. It was the weirdest phenomenon, like having woken up moles or something. But by far not the craziest thing that happened that day.
The craziest thing that happened that day appeared 2 minutes later, and is a person. Remember the crazy lady that is
CRAZY MAD DEMENTED INSANE NUTS DAFT LOONEY WACKY LUNATIC SCREWY ?
yes she happened again.
So I’m downstairs with the gas company man, about to show him where the boiler is (it’s in the attic) when the crazy lady comes out of her room shouting at him to GET OUT OF HER HOUSE and that he CAN’T JUST COME IN HERE and that she wants TO SEE SOME ID! So me and the gas man just look at each other like wtf not quite believing or understanding what’s happening. He keeps telling her that she’s being very rude and that he’s just doing his job and I’m still speechless in the corner just looking at her in disbelief. But she wouldn’t let him pass (btw he’s like 6’4 and has muscles like the hulk so brave move on her side) and kinda starts pushing him outside by blocking his way to the attic while yelling at him. So his boss comes, shows ID and asks what’s going and she just kept getting more and more unreasonable and wouldn’t let them into the house because she wouldn’t know them even tho they have been working infront of our house every single day for the last months! And then she starts yelling at me telling me not to talk to her face like that when I tell her to just let them turn on the boiler and to go to my room. And I’m standing there looking at the gas men like ?! And tell her like you’re not my mother wtf ?? May have been a mistake because that was when she gave me the look of murder or whatever. But like what?!?!? So yeah I let the men in again because they were on ”my property” not hers because I opened the door. She still tries to block the way but we just walk through cause I like my pasta cooked and vegetables unfrozen, thank you. So we make our way to the attic, and the boss even came upstairs with us, because he wouldn’t let his worker go into this madhouse alone and wanted to be a witness of what was happening, which I completely understand btw.
Next problem: To get into the attic you have to fold down a ladder. To fold down the ladder you have to open crazy lady’s room, but on that day that obvioulsy wasn’t an option. So I go to my room get my very unstable ikea chair which is also foldable, so very safe. But it was either trying to communicate with the crazy lady or a chair that might send you down 4 flights of stairs. So the chair was the clear choice. Suddenly we hear yelling again and I rolled my eyes back so far I saw black. ”I’M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE!” So next we hear her on the phone going ”Emergency! Emergency! Yes there are strangers in my house!” And so on.. So the gas men talk to me like is she crazy and I go ”yes absolutely insane” while she’s also standing on the stairs behind the boss, on the phone the entire time. And I tell them the story of what has been happening the last weeks, and they tell me to call my landlord and to tell him I fear for my safety. And she tells who ever she was calling that he was putting words into my mouth and how we talk about her as if she was crazy. Like I hate to break it to you lady but umm you kinda are big time?? So after the gas man did his job we go downstairs and I go outside with them and let me tell you, I have never seen 2 grown ass men look this irritated and confused. So they ask me like what’s wrong with her and I go: I wish I knew she was all normal a few weeks back. By now they came up with a list of basically every mental problem out there trying to figure out her problem, without realizing she’s standing right behind us leaning against the door frame outside the house, which is when the yelling started all over and ended with a giant bang when she slammed the door shut. Luckely the genius that I am my room was locked at least twice and I had my keys outside with me. Haha, you sucker!
So next I have to fill out a little survey about how the gas man did his job. And I’m like here you get a 10/10 sorry for that whatever in my house. So yeah my heart rate was still higher than ever measured before in human history, but the mood lightened up a little and they went on to the next house, lucky bastards. So I return to my room, as quickly as possible avoiding any eye contact and I have never locked a door that quickly. I unfold my ikea chair, take a deep breath and want to return to Rachel and Ross getting married and my now luke warm Lo Mein. The fork made it halfway to my mouth and there’s a Hellooo mrs Ross and Helllooo mr Rachel coming from my laptop when I hear noise downstairs. I make a sound that bundled up hanger (hunger and anger(?)), confusion and pure hate. So I stomped down stairs just to THE POLICE in our hallway looking just as confused as to what they are supposed to do now as the next person would. So I tell them about how I let the gas men do their job, while the crazy lady is trying to convince the police that they were stangers and anyone could have had a neon yellow jacket that says gas on the back and an ID like that. So yeah the visit by the police was quite short because I had the arguments that made them believe that it was in fact the most ridiculous ”mission” they have been on in probably their entire career. So outside the gas men explain what happened again and the police was gone again 5 minutes later, but told me that I did everything right HA! 💁🏼
So I run upstairs again with the crazy lady one step behind me and I fear she’s gonna push me or somehow appear in front me and then stare into my soul. There was too much American Horror Story Asylum in my life for people like that in my house. So I try to talk to her, cause that’s just how grown up I am now. That’s what cooking and doing laundry does to you. You start trying to talk to crazy people. So I tell her to calm down which she then does (I’m so talented) and ask her in my calmest voice possible, trying not to show how much I want to punch her between the eyes, why she wanted them out, and that they only did their job and that everything is okay. And she went ”why was he so scared to show his ID when I asked him, then?” And stuff like that I I’m like he really wasn’t they showed you their ID remember?! 🙂 I swear it was like talking to a 3 year old.
And then I run into my room, Rachel still on my display, noodles now cold on my desk, grab my stuff and run out the door, with my door now locked 4 times bc I wouldn’t be back until later tonight. Outside the gas boss tells me to definitely call my landlord and tell him what happened. And I tell him I have a message ready to be send on my phone. But that wasn’t good enough for him, I think the crazy lady freaked out that poor little man for life. And he works underground and has probably seen more dead stuff than anyone I know. So he calls, him but the landlord obviously doesn’t answer, but calls me back later when I’m at the office. So I run outside, answer the phone, and tell him everything that’s been happening, and ”that I fear for my own safety”, thanks for putting words into my mouth. And in the end he goes: She lived with us before and has some mental problems. I’ll talk to her. And I’m like she has some what now?! But at least everyone around her, except herself, knows she’s cray cray. So this was my lunch break in 1666 words. oh no.